Sepet - yamcha session

ONE EVENING AT A MAMAK STALL………

Jason & Orked have just come out of the cinema after
seeing ZOMBI KG PISANG. Orked belanja Jason because
pirate DVD selling now having problems. So, no more
love at first sight happenings at pasar malam. Jason &
Orked head for their favourite mamak stall.

JASON: ZOMBI KG PISANG best! I like the parody genre.

ORKED: Wah, you also know, ah - parody?

JASON: Sure-lah! My hero, P Ramlee also made parody, -
ALI BABA BUJANG LAPOK.

ORKED: Never knew that! I thought that one comedy.

JASON: You also like some entertainment writers, ah,
dunno genre? Comedy & parody different, mah but look
almost the same. ALI BABA almost banned last time.
They had to do re-dub 3 days before the release date
on Hari Raya day in Singapore.

ORKED: Wah, you also historian, ah? Which part
sensitive?

JASON: Where the rich man ask the robber chief to rob
him., so that he don’t have to pay income tax. The
original dialogue too direct.

ORKED: What other films parody?

JASON: All Mamat Khalid’s films: LANG BUANA, ROCK, MAN
LAKSA, ZOMBI KG PISANG.

ORKED: What is this parody, ah?

JASON: Make fun of people without hurting them. Also
homage to other films, copying some of the things and
then subverting them. Very funny for people who can
see all the references., like SCARY MOVIE, AIRPORT.
Mamat the only local guy who specializes in parody.
Haven’t got SPM, mah, but also got otak. Parody also
involve sarcasm. Also many kind of irony – General
Irony, Romantic Irony, Dramatic Irony, Impersonal
Irony – all kinds-lah.

ORKED: Like that one, ah? So all the characters in
ZOMBI KG PISANG based on real people, ah? They can see
themselves or not?

JASON: If can, ah, our film industry improve long ago!
The character Awie plays in the movie – that one,
Mamat Khalid-lah! He got bitten by a zombie, almost
turn into a zombie but managed to prevent it. That
one, ah, show Mamat involved in the industry - like
all the other zombies, er, directors – but he managed
not to become like them, all making silly movies. In
JOGHO, U-Wei also showed himself being in jail at the
beginning of the film. The camera floats on him for a
while. U-Wei come back from New York, study film, but
got stuck in time warp making film in Malaysia. Very
subtle, one! Shumi also say similar thing in LAYAR
LARA.

ORKED: I think, ah, that sup ekor babi you took before
the movie warp your brain! Where got audience can see
all that one?

JASON: Can see or cannot see, up to audience-lah. If
got otak, sure can see one! But our films now, ah, all
make audience stay at low level mentality. Make enjoy
only - laugh, laugh, cry, cry, scream, scream! Why our
producers want to maintain this level?
Capitalists- lah, only money in their brain! Forget
about budaya, bangsa dan negara! How to make local
audience minds rise so that film graduates who come
out from University can make better films - and create
a real Malaysian Cinema? Now only got Malaysian
Wayang. So, I Tanya you, we want to have karyawan or
orang-orang cari makan? Huh, huh? Fifty years Merdeka
but the mind not Merdeka yet!

ORKED: Hoo, big words. Big p…. Ooops, mencemar budaya!
So the guy acting as attendant in ZOMBI KG PISANG,
who, ah? Cannot figure out-lah.

JASON: Okay, I test you. He wear uniform, he sing a
song, he sit in an office, alone, then talk to
himself. He also one of the illegal toxic waste
throwers.

ORKED: (Coyly). I’ll tell you but what’s it worth?

JASON: (Whispers something in her ear & grins).

ORKED: (Shocked). Oi, you Cina, mau matikah?! If the
king of the zombie find out, you’re dead meat! But
you’re cute, so I let it pass. Okay, I answer the
question. (Thinks, then her eyes widen). Fuyoo!! It’s
someone who thinks he is very important to the
industry! Don’t want to say-lah who! I sure go inside
one! He supposed to help industry but also corrupting
it, ah?

JASON: Bingo! How about the bus driver who become
zombie?

ORKED: Our industry, ah, anyone can become director,
producer, writer, cinematographer, actor. Towkay ikan,
even mamak nasi kandar also can. Okay, the guy who
suddenly appear – Inspektor Chinhon played by Lan Pet
Pet, who that one?

JASON: Easy, close one eye can tell you.

ORKED: Don’t close. You already sepet, afterwards fall
in the drain!

JASON: Eh, Tuhan kasi sepet, tau? Cannot complain,
masuk neraka. That guy, ah, someone who suddenly
became director. Never heard of him, suddenly came
from nowhere. This case, ah, terlepas pandang-lah!
What to do? He think he so great, make fun of other
directors, ask them to see his film, learn how to make
film from him. But what happen? In the end, people
find out he’s cuckoo – in the film, I mean! So our
film industry, ah, like village growing bananas-lah –
like the banana currency during Japanese occupation.
Jaguh kampong only. How to go global? That’s why
called Kampong Pisang.

ORKED: DV filmmakers already global, what?

JASON: No-lah! Their film not in Bahasa Malaysia, also
no violence, no slapstick, no comedy, no Mat Rempit,
all very grim. Don’t show Petronas Twin Towers, only
show rubber trees, toilet, back lane, hotel room, eat
noodle all the time, look blankly for 5 minutes at the
wall. Got one story, ah - woman run away, then they
discover she got husband, also many lovers. This one
okay.* But Malaysia not like that one. Malaysia happy
place! All races happy! Can buy house, Can buy car.
Can buy saham. Got all kind of food. Malaysia truly
Asia. (Bows repeatedly). Welcome to Malaysia, Akira
san! Haven’t forgotten your grand dad who cut off many
heads with samurai sword! Arigato! Atok! Atok!

ORKED: Hei, I thought only Malays got latah? You also,
ah?

JASON: I’m Peranakan. Got Malay blood, what.

ORKED: Okay, okay, what about the Que Haidar
character?

JASON: There’s one guy, ah, make a lot of film tapi
gertak saja. Newspaper give a lot of publicity, tapi
dia punya filem tak sampai mana!

ORKED: The young guy with the shotgun? That one Mamat
Khalid’s son-lah. Why he shoot the zombies? The zombie
give salam, what?

JASON: Message! Message! Only way for the new
generation filmmakers to get rid of the present guys
making films – shoot them with elephant gun! Oops,
sensitive! But also got another guy giving message.
The chief of the zombie giving advice to other
zombies.

ORKED: That one I know! The leader of a certain
organization – maybe society-lah - talking to the
members using 1950s Malay film dialogue: ‘Zombi-zombi
sekalian. Yang tua mesti hormat yang muda. Yang muda
mesti hormat yang tua.’ The nice looking chair signify
his position. He is old-timer. But he dunno time for
him to vacate the chair. Don’t haunt us anymore-lah!
Retire and go play with your grandchildren- lah! Aiyaa,
how to improve like this?

The mamak owner of the stall, who has been eyeing them
for some time, comes over.

MAMAK: I say, gentleman and lady, you drink 2 glass
teh tarik, sit for 2 hours, ah, how can? Business
rosaklah ini macam.

JASON: Mamak, you ever think of going into
filmmaking?

MAMAK: (Ponders). Well, I like U-Wei’s objective,
unsentimental approach, Mansor Puter’s post-modernism,
Hishamuddin Rais’s symbolic representations and Yasmin
Ahmad’s multi-racial, social-realism commentaries… ..

JASON: What about mainstream films like comedies,
romance, horror……?

The mamak starts laughing uncontrollably, rolls on the
ground, still laughing. Two of his staff carry him
away, still laughing.

ORKED: Well, that answers your question!

JASON: Everybody’s a film critic. I won’t
underestimate another mamak again!